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Faith

Faith, Life, Poems

falling in love

you

make me

uncomfortable

with

your

steady glance

and

the

softness

of

your eyes

I look away

feeling

hollow

like

a

drum

I am

petrified

by

the uncertainty

of us

and

excited

for

who I become

beside

you

October 2017

Faith, Life

Things women dream about

 

I had the most vivid dream last night.  When I awoke the emotions were still with me.  Just so you know, I often have dreams about looking for a husband. It is probably the one that comes up most often.  Is this because I didn’t actually get married till thirty-four, and for many years I wondered if I ever would?  Do other women have this dream?

The quest and the wait seem to be embedded in my psyche, and in my dreams, along with the one about my teeth falling out. I have another recurring dream about having a baby that keeps on shrinking;   it isn’t thriving, no matter how hard I try to feed it.

Last night, my dream began with a very dark, handsome man, dressed in a regal gold-embossed costume. I got the impression he was wealthy and powerful. I was in his home which was like one from an old Bollywood movie.  The scent of incense was strong. He looked at me with admiring eyes, “You have such beautiful skin”, he said.

Somehow I knew that this man was in love with me. There was also an older woman in the room, with wrinkled, swarthy skin. I can only presume she was one of his wives. She looked much older, unhappy and disapproving. Or it may have been his mother, though I think it was his wife. I am over sixty now, yet in my dream I was young. I felt beautiful because this man thought I was.

He was not someone I recall having met. A pure figment of my imagination, or a figure transposed from a movie, retained in my subconscious?

I was feeling pleased that he had such eyes for me. Although I can’t remember anything that happened before this moment, it was not the first time he had seen me.

I was the chosen one.

Suddenly I was clothed in a beautiful red sari. My admirer came closer. “I want you to be my wife”, he said, “I have waited long enough, it is time”.  I could smell the exotic perfume in the air, all the stronger as he approached.  We were not alone, there were many people present.

“Are you a Christian?” I asked hoping he would say yes. I don’t remember the exact response, but it contained the word “Allah” as if to say, we are all worshipping the same God, don’t make an issue of it. His character was intense, his eyes magnetic, the scent of incense and spices intoxicating.

Suddenly I felt the need to escape. If I didn’t make a run for it I would somehow be trapped physically or emotionally. I found an escape door and ran out of the house, my heart beating wildly. At the end of an alleyway I ran into my mother, Mavis, who died 18 years ago, and my friend Sherrey, who moved away to California.   I told them what had happened and we all agreed we’d best get out of that place or we would be apprehended somehow. We ran away fast, as if people were chasing us.

I woke up and saw my husband of 26 years asleep beside me. He doesn’t look anything like the man in the dream. He is fair skinned and handsome.   I felt relieved that I had eluded the trap, and that in real life I had found my Prince. I felt slightly disappointed as well, as real life can seem ordinary compared to a dream.   I sat bolt upright and wrote down all the details, for tomorrow I would not remember them.

Hilary Shantz

July 22, 2017

 

 

 

 

 

Faith, Life, Travels

Everything I need is here

 

 

Canmore, Alberta

We are attending the  wedding of Taylor and Erin in Canmore.

The morning of the wedding  I awoke early and sat outside observing the sun rise above the Rockies.

An insight I gained is that the more connected I am to nature, creation itself, the less I need other things.

 

Everything I need is here 

 

Calming

To the spirit

Is the sight of

Tall Canadian pines

Stretching up

To a cloudless sky

So blue

It doesn’t seem real.

 

The sun rises slowly

Catching one face

Of a gnarled pine tree

Its needled boughs

Growing only on one side,

As though posing

For an artist.

 

Nourishing rays of sunshine

Fall on the smooth bark of

A white birch.

A light breeze

Breaks the stillness

Rustling the silvery leaves

Of poplars.

 

Suddenly a crow cries out

And I am spell-bound.

 

It is morning

In the Rockies.

 

One feels protected somehow

Encircled by contours of stone

And grey rock towers

Marking the outer limits

Of an unchanging landscape.

 

This rough land

Of stone and forest

Drew adventurers

Looking for riches.

Yet, when they came,

They found more

Than gold and pelts.

A comforting place

A sacred space

The companionship

Of elk and bison,

The spiritual grounding

Of earth and sky.

In other words, home.

Gifts of the wild,

Calling to me also,

Calling me

To receive

And breathe in deeply.

 

Everything I need is here.

Hilary Shantz

July 30, 2017